Proverbs

• Home is where you can say anything you like, ‘cause nobody listens to you anyway.
• I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem?’
• I see your IQ test results were negative.
• I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
• How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
• No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
• I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18.
• How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?
• Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
• Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
• Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?