Room Service

Be warned, you’re going to find yourself talking “funny” for a while after reading this. It was nominated best email of 1997. A telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and Room Service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.....

Room Service: “Morny. Ruin sorbees”
Guest: “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service”
Room Serv.: “Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??”
Guest: “Uh..yes..I’d like some bacon and eggs.”
Room Serv.: “Ow July den?”
Guest: “What??”
Room Serv.: “Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?”
Guest: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.”
Room Serv.: “Ow July dee baychem...crease?”
Guest: “Crisp will be fine”
Room Serv.: “Hokay. An San tos?”
Guest: “What?”
Room Serv.: “San tos. July San tos?”
Guest: “I don’t think so”
Room Serv.: “No? Judo one toes??”
Guest: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo one toes’ means.”
Room Serv.: “Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?”
Guest: “English muffin!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”
Room Serv.: “We bother?”
Guest: “No..just put the bother on the side.”
Room Serv.: “Wad?”
Guest: “I mean butter...just put it on the side.”
Room Serv.: “Copy?”
Guest: “Sorry?”
Room Serv.: “Copy...tea...mill?”
Guest: “Yes. Coffee please, and that’s all.”
Room Serv.: “One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??”
Guest: “Whatever you say”
Room Serv.: “Tendjewberrymud”
Guest: “You’re welcome”