The Wit of Groucho Marx

I have nothing but respect for you, and not much of that.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.